The Slow Fade: How We Lose Ourselves (And Start Coming Back)

How Did I Even Get Here?

Have you ever had one of those moments where you suddenly stop and think,
“What the hell am I even doing with my life?”

It’s like some invisible timer goes off in your head—
and bam—you’re awake.
You start wondering if you’re having a Matrix moment…
only no one offered you a red or blue pill.

There’s no dramatic choice. Just a jarring, quiet clarity.

The truth of your situation hits all at once:
You’ve been going through the motions.
On autopilot.
Living a life that doesn’t even feel like yours.

Every “should” you followed...
Every time you ignored your gut
or shrank yourself to fit the mold...

It all built up—
a heavy, silent pressure.

Like bricks on your chest.

Eventually, that weight doesn’t just drain you—
it starts to erase you.

Bit by bit, it chips away at the essence of who you are:
Your spark.
Your weirdness.
Your wild.
Your real.

You feel pinned in place.
Stuck.
Overwhelmed.

But instead of breaking, you just... fade.

Little by little, you become a version of yourself
that’s easier for the world to accept—
but harder for you to recognize.

And that’s the worst part:
You don’t even know who you are underneath it all.

When the Ache Gets Too Loud to Ignore

It doesn’t always come with fireworks.
Sometimes it’s just a quiet ache that finally gets too loud to ignore.
And it often happens more than once in a lifetime.

But that first time?
It’s unforgettable—even when it goes unspoken.

That’s the thing—so many of us walk around with this feeling but never talk about it.
For some, it becomes a pivotal moment that changes everything for the better.
Others stuff it down, find ways to numb it, and carry on.

So maybe there is a choice.
Maybe this is the moment you’re offered those pills, after all.

Drowning in Checkboxes

A client once told me she broke down while reviewing her daily task list.
Not because of what was on it—but because of what wasn’t.

There wasn’t a single thing for herself.

Every line was about someone else.
Sticky notes. Calendar alerts. Email reminders.

She was drowning in other people’s priorities.
Drowning in checkboxes and digital noise.

And in that flood of “shoulds,” she realized something heartbreaking:
She had no idea where she fit into her own life.

Small Decisions, Big Turning Points

You know what she did?
She grabbed one of those sticky notes and wrote herself a new task:
Take 10 minutes just for me.

That’s it. Just 10 minutes.

Seems small, right?
But that’s how things often change—
With a series of small decisions where you consciously choose yourself.

When Survival Becomes a Sacred Yes

For me, it hit differently.

One day I realized I couldn’t breathe under all the weight.
My survival instinct kicked in, and I chucked off a major brick… my ex-husband.

That relationship? A whole structural support beam of dysfunction.

In the weeks after I let go, I wasn’t magically healed.
I was raw.
Scared.
Somehow flooded with emotion and completely numb all at once.

When the First Brick Falls, the Light shines through

But something inside had shifted.
I started moving through it moment by moment,
focusing only on the next right thing.

The fear was still there, sure—
But so was something I hadn’t felt in a long time:
Clarity.

That decision cracked things open.

Because once one brick comes loose, the whole pile starts to shift.
Light breaks through.

You start seeing glimpses of who you really are underneath it all.

You Haven’t Disappeared—You’ve Just Been Buried

And you remember a truth you’ve always known, deep down:

Your authentic self never disappears.
It might get buried.
But it’s still alive.
Still burning.
Still you.

Eventually, it pushes back.
Cracking through the rubble.
Begging you to listen.

That moment?
That’s the spark.
The waking.
The call.

Say Yes—to You

So honor it.

You don’t need to have it all figured out.
You don’t need to do it perfectly.
You just need to say yes to yourself.

Say yes—to you.
To what no longer works.
To what your body is whispering.
To the part of yourself that wants to say ‘no.’
To the pieces you’ve dimmed just to stay ‘fine.’

You’re allowed to stop mid-sentence, mid-life, mid-freaking Tuesday—
and choose again.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
— Anaïs Nin

Your Turn: One Sticky Note, One Small Rebellion

This week, write your own sticky note.
One small thing that’s just for you.
Then actually do it—and let that be enough.

What’s one brick you’ve tossed—or want to?
Tell me in the comments or DM.
I read every one.

xoxo,
Jak

Gentle Ways to Come Home to Yourself

If you’re ready to start small, here are some ways to reconnect this week—no pressure, just presence:

• Take five minutes and tell the truth: What feels off?
  

• Ask your body what it needs right now—and actually give it that.
  

• Make one small, rebellious move toward what lights you up (even if it’s just buying the “unnecessary” fancy journal).
  

• Say no to something that drains you—even if it’s just a “maybe” or a “not now.”
  

• Create something that has no purpose other than to express you.
  

Write It Out: Journal Prompts to Get Unstuck

• Where in my life am I going through the motions?
  

• What have I been pretending is “fine” that actually isn’t?
  

• What parts of myself have I buried to keep the peace or stay in control?
  

• What is my soul craving that I haven’t given myself permission to want?
  

• What does “saying yes to myself” look like this week—realistically, messily, and honestly?
  

• What version of me is trying to emerge—and what’s in the way?
  

• If I stopped trying to be palatable or productive… what would I choose instead?